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The Blame Game

 

Over the last few weeks I’ve had a few personal things going on which has highlighted my thought patterns at times and how I had them wrong. It’s not the first time I have thought about this issue, we seem to deal with it everyday and probably without realisation.  I was first enlightened to the thinking error during a therapy session, but I still seem to struggle. I’m just not great at it yet and seems to be something so easily forgotten in everyday life situations.

How many times have you thought to yourself far out this person is making me feel like absolute S!#@, what is their problem………This person could have said something to you, looked at you, or not even noticed you and all of a sudden you’re swarming with feelings and your mind is racing with thoughts. Your thinking he doesn’t like me, she’s making me feel sad, he’s making me feel angry,  they’re making me feel annoyed. Every day we find people who are making us feel all sorts of feelings.

Many of you are probably nodding your head in agreement, and I can pretty much guarantee that you and I and everyone else who’s reading this blog right now, has had those exact (or similar) thoughts run through their mind at some stage today! And I can be certain that you’re all probably sitting there blaming someone for making you feel horrible!

If you’re not already aware of this profound understanding, I’m here to break it to you. Sadly we are in fact the ones to blame and let me explain why ……….
We all have beliefs and expectations which influence how we see things and our perception of how things should be. How we believe people should treat us, how we think they are going to react and what outcome we want. Our belief system is already in place and it strongly influences our feelings and emotions about the person/situation when things happen and our reactions and most of importantly our thoughts which………Yes are the driving force of your feelings!

Thoughts= Feelings

At work I have a co-worker, who is pretty much known as Alf Stewart from Home and Away (Aussie TV show)- hot headed, gruff and can be moody. Sometimes he will walk into my office, his presence I can feel as soon as he walks through the door, I immediately sense irritation, annoyance and gruffness! When he is like this he will speak in an abrupt manner……. Yep!…. Nup!……Where is it?…. Huh?……His words are very short.
Early days my initial thoughts were…….Oh no…….. Have I done something wrong? He hates me, I would feel horrible, he would make me feel the worst ever my mind would run wild with fabricated thoughts and feelings all blaming myself for his behaviour.
Over time due to some self-discovery and understanding, I have learnt to think differently. Recognising that I am responsible for my feelings and thoughts and not allowing his actions, words and sometimes grumpy persona to inhibit my thoughts which then make me feel awful. I now recognise that well hey, his emotions are his, maybe he has a lot going on in his life. Maybe he is stressed and doesn’t know how control his emotions,  or maybe he is just having a bad day. When things are noticeably bad I have asked is everything ok, can I assist, and he softens with this approach and his manner will change. Most importantly I’m feeling fine, and not bothered by his behaviour knowing it’s him and not me.

When we take responsibility for our thoughts, we then can be in control of our feelings. Next time your feelings are in disarray and your thoughts are running crazy in your mind. Actually stop and think twice before you make it into drama or someone else’s fault.  Go to the source of your feelings, capture your thoughts and take responsibility for them. Yes sometimes we don’t hear or see what we want but that’s ok. Others may have good reason as to their actions/reactions because, like you they to have a belief system in place. And by reacting in a certain way to ensure we don’t add to a situation in a negative way, we instead take control and become aware and see a new perspective not only through our eyes but also through the eyes of others.

Stop pointing your finger and blaming others for how you are feeling, take responsibility an become aware! Own your beliefs, feelings and actions as your’s! And most importantly, stop the blame game.

Life will be so much easier without it!

 

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Life’s mud map…..are you finding your treasure?

I was chatting with a friend the other day and she was telling me how her close friend had decided this week that she and her husband were packing up and moving to a cattle station up north, she was going to be the “Station Cook” and her husband was going to be the “Gardener!”……….. I asked a little confused, ” Wow…..so ….are they cattle people ?  Why are they moving?” Cheryl replied “My friend is an amazing person and she will always try new things,  loves adventures and not afraid to do something a little different. Her husband has been working away and she was tired of being left at home stuck with life’s routine day in day out……and thought this time NO I’m coming!  ….. it’s time for a change……”

I was a little speechless, ” Wow” I said to Cheryl, “This is awesome, ……so they have just decided this, that’s what they’re are going to do and they will head off?” she said “Yes they sure are,  they have two adult sons who will be staying to look after the property and they’re going off on this amazing adventure.”

I drove home that afternoon and thought “why not”, this is great, people living life and stepping into the unknown, to seek adventure. How inspiring, take a plunge occasionally and live this gift we have been given called life! We spend to much of our life waiting for life to happen and before we know it, its over.

Life is an inevitable beginning and ending with a small window of in-between. For most of us, day in day out we become creatures of routine, raised in a world that is forged by pattern. From childhood into our adult years, seeking a successful career, buying your first home, marriage, family…..this becomes “Life’s mud map”

I wonder is life something we ever really stop and think about? Are we all just on auto pilot and allowing life to run its programed course? Are we restrained by what we must do in contrast to what we want to do?……. Then sadly before we know it life has slipped through our fingers. I’m not saying that the mud map of life is wrong. I am however questioning whether we are forgetting some important details in between. Are we afraid of being different or trying something new? What holds us back from reaching for the stars? What is so hard about dreaming big and stepping out of our comfort zone and making life what you want it to be?

Today I challenge you to stop what you are doing, open your mind and reflect. Ask yourself, What are my dreams? What are my ambitions? Do I have goals? Am I where I want to be? And more importantly am I heading in the direction i need to be to reach my desired end result?
This does not mean you have to pack up and move to a cattle station in the middle of nowhere, but it might mean you need to stop and think about what’s important to you, set some short and long term goals. Take the time do something for yourself that makes you feel great, makes your soul smile and live this gift you have been given.

Follow your heart, listen to your voice within and make your dreams a reality!

Go find your treasure!

AP

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WOTW- Whine…Wine of the week

My Whine of the week takes me back to Tuesday evening when I was whizzing through the aisles of the supermarket doing groceries. Being the shopper of the house I have the tiresome task of being creative. Each day producing something nourishing and edible as well as something different instead of the same old meat & vege……. Yes groceries & cooking drive me batty as well as kids who ask “What’s for dinner Mum?”………

Mentally ticking off the list in my head (written lists I lose) I think to myself, Steak, Veggies, Pasta, Chicken, Rice………Ummmmm…..  maybe I might have a go at cooking Indian or Thai……finally I think I have the weekly menu sorted and master chief Mum is under control.

With a trolley of dinners planned I entered the first of my two favourite aisles, “Biscuits and coffee” I love this aisle, the oh so sweet biscuits and especially with a good coffee. The chocolate and lollies aisle is next, it’s an aisle of necessity where the always needed trusty block of chocolate lives.  These two favourite aisles never leave me disappointed, there is always a new variety or flavour, we are spoilt for choice and being a sweet tooth I always look forward to trying something new.
This week I’m confronted with an array of choices, lollies, chocolate and biscuits….. Mmmmm………..and after much debate I decided on good old favourites……..a block of chocolate and a pack of original flavour Tim tams …….”Yum”, with the shopping complete and I head home.

The week quickly passes and its Thursday evening, tonight’s dish is chicken korma, rice and green beans.  As I was cooking like most nights I did the check in, “Yes” my Tim Tams were still there still waiting for me and the packet hadn’t moved from Tuesday. As I shut the pantry door I thought to myself tonight is the night, I’m eating Tim Tams!

Dinner is eaten, the dishes are washed, and I’ve decided it’s time to relax. I proceed to sit down on the couch with a glass of red in hand but before I do I jump up in excitement remembering my desert that is waiting for me. I head to the panty to fulfil my desire, I open the pantry door and look to the shelf where I placed the Tim Tams.  I pick up the Tim Tams with such delight, and with sudden groan I notice the packet felt light….. OMG…. the packet has been opened, it was facing the other way and I didn’t notice, this was deliberate.
I cant’t let this hamper my eagerness as I pulled out the plastic tray hoping to at least find one or two Tim tams to satisfy my cravings……..And in that moment my heart sank, empty and desuetude, someone had scoffed the entire pack and left nothing but a shell.

I had been conned, all week I looked as my eyes always caught what i thought the untouched packet still sitting there so neatly and full looking, but unbeknown to my gullibility someone had so sneakily eaten every Tim Tam, and didn’t even leave me a crumb.

As I sat there suffering from Tim Tam withdrawal I had only one thought, my house had entered a new era, we had entered an ice age and now I must hide my food if I had planned to survive……..well survive at least a sugar craving.

The next day I was chatting to a friend over the Tim tam event that had changed life as we  know it. I had explained in destitute detail how I had entered an ice age and if I was going to survive my cravings as a woman, mother and sometimes a nut job that I would have to start stashing my supplies. She laughed as I asked her… Does this happen at your house? Are you stashing and hiding your favourite treats?
Her reply at first made me feel better…… Yes she too had become a stasher, but her next words have haunted me ever since …………You do realise we are turning into our mothers, don’t you remember how they use to hide chocolates and lollies too…………
and with those words I’m not sure what was worse, knowing I entered an Ice age or I was turning into my mother.

All I know is, I’m stashing next week’s supply , this Tim Tam craving is killing me and there is no way on earth I’m turning into my mother……..

This week’s Wine of the week is a bottle of Cab Sav  “You Lead the way, Epic Distinctive Friends get things done”

 

FullSizeRender-1 This bottle of Cab Sav has the most intriguing label, Its very individual and without a lot of detail. The only thing I could find on the bottle was the webiste http://youwines.com.au/wines/

The bottle I purchased from BWS $18, An absolutely beautiful smooth red, and moreish aftertaste, without a doubt I will be purchasing again.

Try it you wont be disappointed, as you can see by my picture I brought a few!

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Chocolate the forbidden fruit

There’s a magical feeling of unwrapping a block of chocolate, a sense of excitement and delight. The mouth-watering anticipation that takes over you as your taste buds wait in torment.

A feeling builds up inside you as you open the wrapper an uncontrollable desire to drown your existence with the decadent beauty in your hands .

With your first bite your endorphin’s run wild, its instant and exotic, biting into the rich, dense and creamy pleasure.

A longing lingers your satisfaction not met, as you finish the second row, questioning the thought for more as you lick your fingers engulfed in chocoholic day-dream.

“Yes” you whisper as you decide just to indulge in a little more…… one more row,….it won’t hurt….

Feeling slightly ill you look over to see what was once a full block and now devoured shame. You feel a sense of guilt rising , you were seduced, you gave into your guilty pleasure, gave into the forbidden fruit.

Chocolate it’s an addictive indulgence with an instant satisfaction and its origin derives from a place many wouldn’t know.
Hiding deep under the canopy of the rain forest, stands a tree clumped along a river bank. Encompassed by green leaves, white flowers and large colorful pods, the cocoa tree is a furtive surprise which holds the secret ingredient …..the cocoa bean.

Now please with this knowledge no longer be alarmed, deprivation from our guilty pleasure should no longer exist……… ” Chocolate was found in a rain-forest” a gift from Mother Nature her self ……… “Eat thy Chocolate”she said “its a plant a thy fruit, for you to consume in abundance and not a guilty sin.”

I say “Eat thy Chocolate….. but don’t stuff thy face”

-AP

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Does your inner lion have a name?

Have you ever met your inner lion? I’m sure you have! I have met mine on a few occasions and sometimes I have found her by surprise. She is fierce, strong, and never afraid, her presences fills my soul with a spirit that nothing is impossible. In fact when I think about her and reflect on our encounters I have met her many times, she has become a close friend and allie her name is “Courage.”

“Courage” lives deep within my heart, she sleeps and stirs on occasion but for the majority she lays in wait. Sometimes I feel her move and my heart will thud, she seems to know when I’m needing her to be awake. Watching, listening she waits so patiently ready to pounce, sometimes for days only ever taking one step at a time giving me that needed nudge. I have in hard times mistakenly lost faith in my ability to believe that she has will always guide me and I lower my head in doubt. In those moments when I thought all was hopeless, she will immerse my spirit by taking control, filling me with strength, whilst carrying me through my darkest days.

I wanted to tell you about her today because she is so important to me and I know you have your own inner lion too. I think we forget sometimes that our lions lay waiting,  hidden deep within our hearts,  always ready for battle, giving us strength to overcome any storm in life.

Never be afraid, never give up, your inner lion “Courage” will always lead you along the path, for her nothing is impossible!  Always believe in her because she never stops believing in you.

Rawrrrrrrrrr…..

AP

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