Freeing my inner child

Little Trinity  jumped in front of me, with her infectious smile, her big blue eyes, I couldn’t help but smile back watching her perfect blonde hair bouncing as she leapt with joy. Trinity  was 3, cheeky, busy and full of life ……. “Aunty please jump on the trampoline with me!”  My heart filled with love how could I say no, she is so precious, bursting with energy, her enthusiasm just melts my heart. “Of course Aunty will, as long as we can make a mud pies too!” With a screech of excitement she clasped my hand and led me out the door……….

For a moment I was lost in a daze, a mix of emotions that were old, new, and some familiar.  As I smiled at her with so much love, enchanted by her presence, I also felt like my heart was frowning. A twinge of my past flooded into my mind, I was remembering when I was once a little girl too. Trinity and I were so different, she was loved,  unafraid and protected by her loving mum and dad, Trinity was a priceless gem……My mind raced , I just couldn’t comprehend how anyone could bring harm to such an innocent soul, how anyone could not love and protect their child, any child.…..

As I drove away that afternoon from visiting my best friend and her little family, I reflected on my feelings and thoughts that had engulfed my mind. It was odd as this day was so different to the rest, it was the first time I had been aware of the way I felt in a situation and the reason why. I had found the answer why for many years I had struggled with every relationship in my life.

We all know Childhood is precious, from when we are born till we are about 5years old our brain develops and learns fundamental behaviours and cognitive functions. During this time a child is loved nurtured and cared for, this is what our parents and care givers do. This process creates healthy bonds, forming trust and security. Planting and instilling in us positive experiences that build secure attachments.  If you’re not sure the meaning of “secure attachment” please look up the definition, but because of this essential beginning a secure attachment in childhood allows children to resonate healthy relationships throughout life and into adulthood.

Now you’re probably asking yourself why is she going on about this, well for some of us, life was very different.  I want to open your eyes for a moment and take you back to when you were 3-4 years old. Maybe it’s your first memory, or just a secure feeling that you know so well. Maybe you felt loved, protected, your needs always met, someone wiped your tears and hugged your pain, you were priceless and precious, no one could hurt you.

Now imagine you’re 3-4 years old but life was very different, you are terrified, afraid and alone, the people around you don’t protect you, instead they hurt you, you’re exposed to watching and experiencing things that are just unimaginable. The only place that is safe is to stay unnoticed and hide. Sadly for some theses are their memories, this was their beginning and for me it’s the scars I bear deep in my soul.

As an adult I have become a creation of a 3-4 year olds ability to adapt and survive in a world where I was maltreated, my innocence taken, neglected and forgotten.

Into adulthood I have learnt to present myself as a well-adjusted, I can fit into any situation and no challenge is ever too big. If you met me tomorrow, you would never guess my past, I may just leave you wondering something was different. I would change myself to meet the needs of others repressing my innerself, what you see is a façade, I had become a chameleon this was my coping mechanism.

I had never felt love, security or acceptance because I have never been able to accept it, those vital teaching years did not happen. I only know my eluded safe version that just touches the surface

Finally I have reached a point in my life that I have become aware of who I am, my mind and heart have finally met. I know that my thoughts and emotions aren’t a product or my current environment but rather a product of my buried past. I know I can’t undo my past, but I have the opportunity to make peace with it. I can reflect and understand who I am and why. I can learn from my emotions, behaviours and realise that I am in control of my every thought and I can use this for healing rather than self sabotage. I now know I need to learn to love and accept myself so I can accept love from others. I have learnt that realisation and acceptance are the first step to healing, you become aware and face the truth.

They say time heals all wounds, I want to take it deeper than that, time gives you an opportunity to one day be ready to face your wounds and live a life accepting  your past by allowing it not to limit your future.

My little girl, now go and be free………


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You have mail! 

Email, Text, Facebook, Snap Chat, the list goes on, life is a constant interaction by the tech world. Waiting anxiously for our next message, how will we receive it? And from whom? Technology has given us a way to communicate from our finger tips, within an instant we can send a message to a recipient that we may not have had the ability to say out loud. Is this healthy? Are we hiding behind our screens, are we losing touch with the real world and each other.

In a room of people,  my own family, sometimes my friends, I can guarantee that pretty much the majority of us will have our phones out and its always a distraction, even sometimes intruding quality time with periods of silence as we are all check our phones scrolling through the latest news feeds, checking and replying to messages. What are we becoming? A disconnected race of people always too busy and caught up in our online/tech world, whilst ignoring the flesh and blood in front of us.

Think about the times when you have ended up in a text war, back and forth a chaos of words, not ever really getting anywhere or achieving a healthy outcome, just creating dialogue of words that you both can read forever sometimes words that you may have wished you didn’t send and now you cant delete. Sadly I think of the times when I have sent messages to a partner, friend and even a family member and I received a response in anger or hurt because they have taken my words the wrong way, miss interpreted the meaning of my original text, how easy this is done. Why? Because sometimes texting is not always the best way to deliver the words sometimes you actually need to say them.

I think we can read something and take it in many ways, just like you can write something in many way. But I guess the advantage with saying it out loud is that the receiver has the opportunity to ask for clarity without words getting mumbled and jumbled and lost in-between, there is a realness in someone saying how they feel out loud and I think we are forgetting this. As a writer I do believe that sometimes there are times when you can write something that is fitting and they are words that need to be read, they can mean so much more reading them,  letting them fill your soul, its a special gift putting words together for someone to read, they can uplift move a person’s heart.

We all need to remember to pick what is fitting for the time and circumstance and if its something that needs to be said then say it. We need to take the time and stop disconnecting  from the immediate world around us, put down your phone, turn it on silent,  the message , notification, email will be waiting for you later, the person in front of you needs your attention now. Our Tech world is part of us now and it’s our future, but  don’t forget some things need to be said out loud sometimes its just what the heart needs to hear.

Oppps… I just got a message, catch ya


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“Burn Fat not Oil?”

I was walking down the street earlier this week and as I crossed at the lights my eyes were drawn to read the front of a young woman’s T-shirt that said in bold letters “Burn Fat not Oil … I repeated the words in my mind “Burn Fat not Oil” and it made me wonder what it meant. As I walked my way back to my car the words kept rolling over in my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder the meaning,  what was it telling me? Some of you may have crossed the road that day and not even noticed the image/words in front of you, but for some of you it may have opened up many questions like it did in my mind. Firstly the point of the words and its meaning, but also how we live in a world where we are constantly confronted with images of all kinds, some we know meaning of, some you may not even notice and for some of us you may be just left wondering what was that all about? WTH?

So before I researched the words to soothe my curious mind I thought I would ponder what the words might mean to me “Burn Fat not Oil “For a person who loves Health & Fitness  I couldn’t help but come up with my conclusion… it was my first thought …. I questioned, do we spend so much time burning oil and never ever-burning the fat? We spend numerous amounts of dollars on magic pills and formulas hoping and wishing that the next magic pill that we purchase will just burn that fat away for us, whilst all we are doing is burning our oil (money). Little do we realise that there is no magic pill, there is no magic formula, we all have the answers, its simple,  but we are all too lazy to even try a little hard yards and instead search for a quick fix with little or no long-term result and the end product being a wounded bank account.

So before I get carried away with my made up idea of the meaning to the image/words,  I Googled the meaning, (I Google everything) “Burn Fat Not Oil” comes in a variety of stickers & T-shirt’s with images of Bikes, walkers, promoting you to leave your car at home when possible to Burn Fat and Not Oil . This is fantastic! what a great saying  directed at your Health & well-being and also saving our environment.

So today I leave you with some thoughts to ponder on

Take notice of what the world is showing you, are there things you’re missing out on because you don’t look at the finer detail, do you ever read between the lines?  Open your mind, sometimes there is more to see than the obvious and it may also have so many meanings, there is nothing wrong with pondering and opening your mind to all possibilities.

Stop looking for a magic pill or formula you have the answers, it just takes a little hard work, you might actually be surprised by the results and you will stop burning your oil and start burning the fat!

And to the real meaning behind the these words,  Get out on your bike, walk to the shops all the locations you can,  get fit and active whilst saving our environment “Burn Fat Not Oil”

Now I’m off to get myself one of these  T-shirts

Embrace & Enjoy


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I’m a pizza lover and I am sure you are too, who doesn’t love pizza, there is just something about Pizza that is unlike any other food, the aroma that takes over the air as its cooking makes your mouth water and when you take that first bite into that hot fresh slice of pizza the sensory experience is out of this world. The layered beauty of the mix of toppings and perfectly cooked base becomes a savory celebration in your mouth.  As you eat your pizza slice from the start to the crust savoring every moment and when you finish your last mouthful your left questioning  if you can fit in just one more slice….. the pizza experience seems to take you beyond your earthly existence as you transcend into pizza heaven devouring and demolishing every last slice.

Everyone has their Favourite Pizza combination, with so many toppings to choose from we have an array of choices, my favourite and boring to most is the Margherita. According to legend, the ” Margherita” pizza takes its name from Queen Margherita of Savoy who in 1889 sampled three pizza flavour choices made by master pizza chef Raffaele Esposito and expressed a preference for the version topped with tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil  designed to resemble the Italian flag…… Well Queen Margherita  I am in debt to you and master chef Raffalele, you have created a pizza masterpiece!!

I know what I am having for dinner tonight!

Yours In Pizza


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