Over the last few weeks I’ve had a few personal things going on which has highlighted my thought patterns at times and how I had them wrong. It’s not the first time I have thought about this issue, we seem to deal with it everyday and probably without realisation. I was first enlightened to the thinking error during a therapy session, but I still seem to struggle. I’m just not great at it yet and seems to be something so easily forgotten in everyday life situations.
How many times have you thought to yourself far out this person is making me feel like absolute S!#@, what is their problem………This person could have said something to you, looked at you, or not even noticed you and all of a sudden you’re swarming with feelings and your mind is racing with thoughts. Your thinking he doesn’t like me, she’s making me feel sad, he’s making me feel angry, they’re making me feel annoyed. Every day we find people who are making us feel all sorts of feelings.
Many of you are probably nodding your head in agreement, and I can pretty much guarantee that you and I and everyone else who’s reading this blog right now, has had those exact (or similar) thoughts run through their mind at some stage today! And I can be certain that you’re all probably sitting there blaming someone for making you feel horrible!
If you’re not already aware of this profound understanding, I’m here to break it to you. Sadly we are in fact the ones to blame and let me explain why ……….
We all have beliefs and expectations which influence how we see things and our perception of how things should be. How we believe people should treat us, how we think they are going to react and what outcome we want. Our belief system is already in place and it strongly influences our feelings and emotions about the person/situation when things happen and our reactions and most of importantly our thoughts which………Yes are the driving force of your feelings!
At work I have a co-worker, who is pretty much known as Alf Stewart from Home and Away (Aussie TV show)- hot headed, gruff and can be moody. Sometimes he will walk into my office, his presence I can feel as soon as he walks through the door, I immediately sense irritation, annoyance and gruffness! When he is like this he will speak in an abrupt manner……. Yep!…. Nup!……Where is it?…. Huh?……His words are very short.
Early days my initial thoughts were…….Oh no…….. Have I done something wrong? He hates me, I would feel horrible, he would make me feel the worst ever my mind would run wild with fabricated thoughts and feelings all blaming myself for his behaviour.
Over time due to some self-discovery and understanding, I have learnt to think differently. Recognising that I am responsible for my feelings and thoughts and not allowing his actions, words and sometimes grumpy persona to inhibit my thoughts which then make me feel awful. I now recognise that well hey, his emotions are his, maybe he has a lot going on in his life. Maybe he is stressed and doesn’t know how control his emotions, or maybe he is just having a bad day. When things are noticeably bad I have asked is everything ok, can I assist, and he softens with this approach and his manner will change. Most importantly I’m feeling fine, and not bothered by his behaviour knowing it’s him and not me.
When we take responsibility for our thoughts, we then can be in control of our feelings. Next time your feelings are in disarray and your thoughts are running crazy in your mind. Actually stop and think twice before you make it into drama or someone else’s fault. Go to the source of your feelings, capture your thoughts and take responsibility for them. Yes sometimes we don’t hear or see what we want but that’s ok. Others may have good reason as to their actions/reactions because, like you they to have a belief system in place. And by reacting in a certain way to ensure we don’t add to a situation in a negative way, we instead take control and become aware and see a new perspective not only through our eyes but also through the eyes of others.
Stop pointing your finger and blaming others for how you are feeling, take responsibility an become aware! Own your beliefs, feelings and actions as your’s! And most importantly, stop the blame game.
Life will be so much easier without it!